Sunday, December 18, 2005
The deep, deep depression I feel around Christmas. It's biting a little earlier this year. There is no solution to it. And I have an added problem this year. I have to drive 200 miles late Christmas Eve evening. I wont be home until after midnight. I dont want to do it, but no one else can. That time of the year I am alwasy feeling really REALLY bad. I am going to have to see if I can get someone to go with me. But who can I ask? All the parents I know will be busy preparing for Christmas day, I'll be back too late to take any of the kids.
I am still terribly worried about my brother dying. Even though I know he is fine. I still cant get it out of my head. And I miss Glynne so much!! The hole in my heart just wont heal. I dont want it to. I love my brothers and sisters, all of them, and I never want to lose any of them. EVER. I would rather die myself.
I wish I could get up some kind of enthusiasm. For anything. I'm getting to the point where I dont really care about anything any more. And I seem to be picking fights as well. I turned on Clive this morning. He did nothing more then walk in front of me, and I told him I dont love him any more, and I wanted him out of the house. Neither of which is true. The look of hurt on his face was so bad I thought I was going to die. I just held him and cried, and cried, and told him I was sorry, I didn't mean it. I dont even know why I said it.
posted by tazfan at 8:09 pm comment(s) made:
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