Wednesday, December 21, 2005
I have posted this both here, and on Blogster, so if you read it there, you know what this post says.
Christmas isn't a great time for me. My youngest brother (7 years older then me) died this time last year. I am terrified that one of my other brothers is going to die. Un reasonable thought I guess, but I cant get the thought out of my head.
I remember all the Christmasses when I was very, very young, like three and four. My brothers and sisters would make sure I got presents, things I really wanted. Mother (henceforth known as the Dragon) wouldn't get me anything. She said that the others got me more stuff then I should have. I remember my second oldest brother, Tony, getting me my own dog. A beautiful shepherd pup. I loved that pup. The following day my step-father sold him.I had ONE night with my dog. Tony almost killed Albert, my step-dad. It took my older sister and my oldest brother to drag Tony off Albert. After that all my brothers and sisters refused to come round if Albert was in. I wish they had. I could have told them what was happening. I tried to tell the dragon, but she wouldn't listen, or she didn't care. I want to believe it was the former, but I really think it was the latter. My brothers and sisters would have believed me, and they would have done something about it. But Christmas was spoiled because thats when the abuse started.
Because of everything that happened, I dont like Christmas. But I try to make sure everyone else does. Christmas Day, all my dogs get a full Christmas dinner, exactly the same as we are eating. It's going to be strange this year. Tippi always had leg meat from the turkey. She loved it. She would turn her nose up at breast meat, unless she figured out that was all that was left. I am going to miss her even more. I still think she is round here somewhere. I am sure I have heard her breathing at night, and felt her lie down by my side of the bed. I feel so lonely without her. Even though I have Clive, she was with me for so long, through so much. She protected me. I loved her, still do. No dog will ever replace her.
Christmas, a time for joy and celebration? Not for me. A time of loss, humiliation, abuse, and sorrow.
I wish you all a very merry christmas, and a very happy new year.
posted by tazfan at 1:16 pm comment(s) made:
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